Vote for McCain (Ugh!)

To true conservatives, John McCain is an exasperating old fool, a traitor to the cause of conservatism, an ally to the most odious liberals in the Senate, an enemy to Senate conservatives, and a horrible campaigner. I long ago vowed I would never vote for him, under any circumstances. What changed my mind was Sarah Palin. Still, as I have watched McCain bumble and continually shoot himself in the foot, I have vacillated, wondering if I could pull the lever (actually, touch the computer screen) for him.

Don't tell me about war heroes; I want a hero to stop a communist from taking over the United States, driving a stake through the heart of capitalism and stripping me of my liberties. That's the most important "war" this country has faced since World War II; and if you're not leading our cause in that war, I have no use for you.

John McCain has continually made us want to pull out our hair and cover our heads with duct tape, from telling his stunned supporters not to worry about Obama as president to talking about putting left-liberals Andrew Cuomo and Warren Buffett in his cabinet. Unfortunately, McCain is the only thing standing between us and the Union of Soviet Socialist States of Amerika. Thus, we have no alternative. We'll go into the wilderness if we must; but we have to take this last measure of defense to prevent ourselves from being overrun by Obama's socialist hordes. And no, I'm not exaggerating; anyone who denies or doubts this is either a socialist himself, ignorant, uninformed, or a victim of Obama's smooth deception. If you're in the latter category, God help you: you might not be able to find your way to the polling place, anyway.

So let's pull that lever, touch that screen, or do whatever we have to do to register our votes for McCain (and, of course, Sarah Palin). Hold your nose if you have to. Just think of it as voting for Palin, who might be our political future.